Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Please don't give away my fajitas
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
