There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
