i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Please, let me fuck your mom
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
