I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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