So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
