i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
