i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
handjob tips. give me some.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
