I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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