I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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