I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
