Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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