Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
