She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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