actually, I'm a sock model
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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