I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
