DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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