why didn't you poke me back
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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