moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Even my vagina gasped.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
