All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
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She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
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You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize