did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
