How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
