maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
