There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
