I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
