I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
