Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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