remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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