FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
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My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
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And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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