i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.