If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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