Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize