The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
