I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
