i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
