So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
