Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
