She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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