Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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