Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
