She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
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I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
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Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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