I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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