I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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