Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
