3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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