I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
