i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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