I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
