this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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