Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
