Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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