I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
