you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
