remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
