Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize