Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
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I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
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I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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