I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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