I just pynch a tree in the face
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
