____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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