I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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