don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Is it penis luge time yet?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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