dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
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I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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