Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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