Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
