I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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